In Australia, gender is now immaterial when you are getting married. Granted, on the current Notice of Intended Marriage there is a check box for sex, but the good news is that from 1 September 2021, the term sex  will be replaced by gender and  non-binary will replace the option X. The choice will therefore be male, female, or non-binary. Providing gender information is optional, and will not transferred onto your marriage certificate. It is for statistical purposes only. You can have a gender-neutral wedding if you wish. That is perfectly legal.

However, once you start looking at advice about everything from invitations to the ceremony, gender is everywhere. As are assumptions about gendered roles.

The first formal step in a wedding is the invitation. How you word your invitation sends a message to your guests not only about what sort of wedding they should expect – formal, casual, modest, or completely over the top – but about who you are, how you identify. But most etiquette guides are highly gendered.

The traditional invitation wording reflects the role of the bride’s parents as hosts. For example

Where both sets of parents are hosting the wedding, the wording may say “at the marriage of their children”

Take a leaf out of that book, and replace gendered words with neutral ones, such as child, or don’t replace them at all. There are many ways to word an invitation that don’t require any such identification.

In the actual marriage ceremony it is legal to replace the gendered terms husband/wife with gender-neutral spouse or partner in marriage, including in the mandatory vows that create your marriage.

It is the 21st century. You can and should marry as who you are, using the terms and pronouns you wish and without conforming to stereotypical gendered roles. A simple statement to each and every vendor to the effect that “We prefer to be referred to as ……. And these are the pronouns we use” should be sufficient. If it is not, find yourselves a new vendor!

Related posts

• You, Your Wedding, and Trans-Gender and Non-Binary Inclusivity
• Yes! You CAN have a gender-neutral, stereotype-free, wedding ceremony
  

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